Am I ready?

My life may be a mess but atleast I look pretty in the dress!

This got to be the defining mantra of my life. In case I plan to continue with my sanity,that is.ย 

Since a few days I have been a mixed bag of emotions. One day I am alarmingly happy. And then gloomy. So gloomy that my friends are scared to even approach me !

And why wouldn’t they be . After all my emotions have reached such heights of confusion that I literally hit my friend with my keys. Straight onto his face. Without a reason.

Thank God he was high ! ๐Ÿ˜‰

These mood swings have been a perennial problem. Although till now they have fortunately been non violent only ๐Ÿ˜‚ . My room is the biggest evidence of this turbulence. Clothes , washed and dirty alike lying on every possible furniture.Bits of paper and tissues ย decorating the floor. And then there is me…somehow adjusting for space in the bed between my books and pillows!

So why has my life come down to this?

There could be several excuses.

I am a Cancerian woman,so being cranky is something even my stars have chosen for me! Then there are the female hormones. These i-dont-know-how-they-look substances have the audacity to keep me irritated. And the fact that I can’t do anything about them,only adds to my irritation! Also doctors tell me I have some kind of allergic bronchial asthma ,so the recent weather changes also ensure that I wake up early ,very early morning coughing and gasping for breath and when it finally comes , i cant go back to sleep , because ,hello you have a bank loan to repay,so please attend your classes. let’s also not ignore the fact that I also sleep late ,very late in night, thanks to assignments submissions and hell yeah! Classes.

To be frank ,it would be really bad of me if I did not give myself the pleasure of being irritated and snapping at every body.

Now that I have made a mention of doctors, if I do look from their perspective these are all mere symptoms. Like a fever is just a symptom. The real trouble is something else.

And I believe that something else is CHANGE. Within six months,my life has literally taken a 180 degree turn. Things I had never dreamt of,forget about planning have happened. And have happened so quick that there hasn’t been enough time to even absorb their effects.

For someone who shirked at the very idea of travelling and moving out of the comfort of my house, I have been thrown more than a 1000km away and been home ย only once in 6 months for 4 days!

The confidence and wisdom I thought I had gained after the 10+2+4 years of education has all been thrown out of the window. Yeah ,once upon a time in a very distant land I had plans and goals of being the best in whatever I do but ,well ,here I am struggling and fighting to just keep pace with my classmates and professors.

More than the fast paced Bombing of Knowledge at me is the speed at which people have walked in and out of my life.

Strangers from different parts of , not only the country , ย but even the world have become a part of my life. People who have seen so much more of the world than me, from different walks of life, each with their own story now surround me. And among them I have found a few special ones, The ones who I would want to be included in my lists of Forevers ๐Ÿ˜.The ones who are family ย :). ย The ones who have bought entertainment to my life with the best and worst jokes of all times! ย The ones who have taught me the true meaning of creative comebacks ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ and the ones who very generously give me “gyaan” about this life ๐Ÿ˜‹

My inner goddess has awaken and is looking around. Happily dancing away as it can finally satisfy it’s fantasies with a new crush everyday ๐Ÿ˜‰

Or maybe HE is the same all days ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

And then there are people who have shut their doors on me. The ones I had hoped would not. The ones I had grown not only fond of ,but used to. Their presence no more surprised me,but their absence shakes me up. Sigh. But as they “One fine day”! Hopefully our paths will cross each others’ again. ๐Ÿ™‚

So all in all I am amused and perplexed at this new roller coaster ride, one which I hadn’t even asked for or infact even paid for ๐Ÿ˜‘Everyย moment here is teaching me something. Things I want to learn and things I definitely don’t want to learn.

It’s just that all of it is happening too fast too soon. Maybe I am not ready for such experiences. Not all at once. And not now.

But when has life waited for someone?

And seriously, What is life without some spice?.๐Ÿ˜‰
P.S When they say,do what you love. They are actually right. Writing all of this down has soothed me down. Peppy side up again ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š

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7 thoughts on “Am I ready?

  1. I opened WordPress after a month today, and this is the first post I read. I’m not usually superstitious, but in this case I have to say, “hey, it’s fate!”

    I’ve just been accepted into a school in another country. The challenge is that I’ve never been away from home for more than a few weeks. I’ve never lived on my own. I’ve always wanted to be the best at whatever I do (just as you mentioned), but I have feeling that I’ll just be another average student where I’m heading.

    This post blasted me with positivity. It’s refreshing really, the way you approach life! It will be enough if I become half as accepting as you are.

    Thanks for the lovely post, Mitali! โค
    All the best to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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