Am I ready?

My life may be a mess but atleast I look pretty in the dress!

This got to be the defining mantra of my life. In case I plan to continue with my sanity,that is. 

Since a few days I have been a mixed bag of emotions. One day I am alarmingly happy. And then gloomy. So gloomy that my friends are scared to even approach me !

And why wouldn’t they be . After all my emotions have reached such heights of confusion that I literally hit my friend with my keys. Straight onto his face. Without a reason.

Thank God he was high ! 😉

These mood swings have been a perennial problem. Although till now they have fortunately been non violent only 😂 . My room is the biggest evidence of this turbulence. Clothes , washed and dirty alike lying on every possible furniture.Bits of paper and tissues  decorating the floor. And then there is me…somehow adjusting for space in the bed between my books and pillows!

So why has my life come down to this?

There could be several excuses.

I am a Cancerian woman,so being cranky is something even my stars have chosen for me! Then there are the female hormones. These i-dont-know-how-they-look substances have the audacity to keep me irritated. And the fact that I can’t do anything about them,only adds to my irritation! Also doctors tell me I have some kind of allergic bronchial asthma ,so the recent weather changes also ensure that I wake up early ,very early morning coughing and gasping for breath and when it finally comes , i cant go back to sleep , because ,hello you have a bank loan to repay,so please attend your classes. let’s also not ignore the fact that I also sleep late ,very late in night, thanks to assignments submissions and hell yeah! Classes.

To be frank ,it would be really bad of me if I did not give myself the pleasure of being irritated and snapping at every body.

Now that I have made a mention of doctors, if I do look from their perspective these are all mere symptoms. Like a fever is just a symptom. The real trouble is something else.

And I believe that something else is CHANGE. Within six months,my life has literally taken a 180 degree turn. Things I had never dreamt of,forget about planning have happened. And have happened so quick that there hasn’t been enough time to even absorb their effects.

For someone who shirked at the very idea of travelling and moving out of the comfort of my house, I have been thrown more than a 1000km away and been home  only once in 6 months for 4 days!

The confidence and wisdom I thought I had gained after the 10+2+4 years of education has all been thrown out of the window. Yeah ,once upon a time in a very distant land I had plans and goals of being the best in whatever I do but ,well ,here I am struggling and fighting to just keep pace with my classmates and professors.

More than the fast paced Bombing of Knowledge at me is the speed at which people have walked in and out of my life.

Strangers from different parts of , not only the country ,  but even the world have become a part of my life. People who have seen so much more of the world than me, from different walks of life, each with their own story now surround me. And among them I have found a few special ones, The ones who I would want to be included in my lists of Forevers 😍.The ones who are family  :).  The ones who have bought entertainment to my life with the best and worst jokes of all times!  The ones who have taught me the true meaning of creative comebacks 😂😂😂 and the ones who very generously give me “gyaan” about this life 😋

My inner goddess has awaken and is looking around. Happily dancing away as it can finally satisfy it’s fantasies with a new crush everyday 😉

Or maybe HE is the same all days 😍😂

And then there are people who have shut their doors on me. The ones I had hoped would not. The ones I had grown not only fond of ,but used to. Their presence no more surprised me,but their absence shakes me up. Sigh. But as they “One fine day”! Hopefully our paths will cross each others’ again. 🙂

So all in all I am amused and perplexed at this new roller coaster ride, one which I hadn’t even asked for or infact even paid for 😑Every moment here is teaching me something. Things I want to learn and things I definitely don’t want to learn.

It’s just that all of it is happening too fast too soon. Maybe I am not ready for such experiences. Not all at once. And not now.

But when has life waited for someone?

And seriously, What is life without some spice?.😉
P.S When they say,do what you love. They are actually right. Writing all of this down has soothed me down. Peppy side up again 😁😊

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Beauty is a state of mind.

DAY 06 ! Plus my first try at fiction writing 😀

Tring tring the bell rang.
She leaped out of her bed.
Baba had already picked up the phone. With knots in her stomach she tried to hear the conversation.
“Hmm”. “Okay”. “Okay”.”No”. Cut. “These salesman today” Baba stomped out of the room.
Oh it was the salesman after all. She went back to her bed again. Closing her eyes she hoped her dream would continue. Of course it didn’t. She was now just laying in her bed , imagining things and rewinding her memory.

Her marriage had been fixed. She had only heard his name. But a name was enough for her to dream. To make plans. And in these plans she even defeated the cheesy Bollywood movies. Day night all she could think of was him.
He had called her last week.
They had talked. He had talked. Told her to meet at the river side this weekend. She had just smiled and agreed.
No Baba wouldn’t know about it. It was her first date . Fathers don’t need to be told about it.

The d day was here. She was getting ready. And with every passing moment she was getting sad.
Each time she looked at her reflection she let out a sigh. Why was she so dark? Why wasn’t she as fair as the other girls. Why was she not beautiful?
And slowly her thought process worsened. What if he doesn’t like her? What if he rejects her?
Oh she panicked. She tried all creams and she tried all remedies.
Nothing would work.
She was still dark. Ugly.

All her dreams came crashing down. The castles she had built, she broke them all. Herself. She didn’t want him to do that. She couldn’t bear someone else do that.

With tears in her eyes and lost hopes she went to the river side. The sun was about to set. Why was he not here yet?? Had he already rejected her?
He could have met her once at least. She was black on the outside. Not inside .

“Sana” called a voice from behind. She had heard that voice before. Butterflies stormed in her stomach.
She turned around.
It was him. Her eyes sparkled but her brain reminded her of the reality that was about to happen.

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They started walking on the beach. Talking. Smiling. They even laughed once.
Oh. So he doesn’t want me to feel bad. He will tell me at the end of the meeting today.

To her surprise he didn’t.
Not this meeting.
Not after any meeting .

And with so many beautiful meetings finally came the day of marriage.

She didn’t want to be heartbroken after this.
She decided to ask him straight.

She called him on his telephone. “Why are you marrying me? I am ugly. I am dark. Why?”.

For an instant , the other side went blank. And with a slight smirk came the reply.
” Do wear the lehenga I have selected for you.” Cut.
Sana couldn’t bear to see the lehenga. She didn’t want to be left at the altar. The lehenga would be so pretty.

Still,the evening came.
The lehenga came. Red and green it was.
A note was there too.

I was in search of skin
Bright or dark, fat or thin
I wanted someone who felt through her heart
You, my dear, have that art.
Who said you are not beautiful?
My brain looses its senses on your one look.
You have a dusky complexion my dear
Why is that wrong I fear!
Your eyes sparkle when you talk
And oh your playful walk

I want to marry you and not your colour.
Its the souls that will be together forever.<3″

Sana was numb. She looked at her smile in the mirror. The billion dollar smile. Oh yes her eyes were sparkling.
Her face was glowing and it was not because of some creams.

Yes she was beautiful. And his love only made her prettier. 🙂

P.S : Click here to be redirected to the IBMC Challenge Page 
6

WORDS

Day 04 : The haiku challenge. 
In this challenge, i needed to select a given HAIKU  and form a story/poem around it with my own interpretation .

This is the Haiku I selected : 
expressions of face
happy sad angry frown shy
face is the index

And here is my story .

 WORDS 

With his words he tried a lot.
To let the world know he was now a strong man. He didn’t care.
Although , once she walked in , the smile on his face said more .
You could even see the sparkle in his eyes . But it didn’t take longer than a second , for his expressions to change.
First , there was a sigh, then a frown.
With each passing moment he remembered the anger he had grown up with. Or was it the sadness actually ? Unfortunately he had memorised in his memory that day’s scene too well.
The day his mother had cheated on his father.
And him. 
Of course he said he was fine

.But every time his mommy had walked in , the child he had put to sleep long ago , would crave to wake up . 

 

 

P.S Click here to be redirected to IBMC page.
4

Thoughts…

DAY 03 : IBMC #03- Risk for a random challenge 

The terms of the challenge : It’s a challenge to see how random can you be. Write ten sentences where there is no connection to each other. Go as random as you can get.

Well, Challenge Accepted. 😉 :D.

Random sentences , yet connected. Go on have a deep thought 🙂

April 1 is celebrated as Fools day. The neighbour’s door bell had rung twice. As I tossed and turned in bed, the clock struck 3. There were 4 people in the family. 5 years of marriage is not long , but  five years of compromise ..definitely .Snoopy had given birth to 6 puppies just yesterday. 7 days and a week is over, yet again. The 8th month would mean the third trimester and soon it would all end. Kids grow up so fast , baby Kia would turn 9 this year.
The Marriage was held in the summer of April 2010.

 

P.S
Click here to be redirected to the IBMC page .

3

 

A Picture says a 1000 words ( 722 in my case)

DAY 2 :

As If the 30 day challenge was not enough to satiate my needs of expressing ( and gaining popularity 😛 ) I have also decided to be a part of the Incredible Blogger Marathon Challenge. This is a fun challenge where I have been given 10 tasks to be performed.

And today’s task is called FREEZE A FOTO . I need to select a photograph and describe it , obviously in my own words 😀

As I rammed through my collection of pictures in gadgets ( a laptop and phone 😛 ) , I found this one picture which suits the mood better than everything.
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Well to the unknown , this a photograph of my batchmates from our last fest at college.  We have been living in the same hostel , some of us in the same rooms too for 4 years of our life.  ^.^

And now with our college coming to an end there is hardly a month more before we all go back to our homes and never come back to sleep with each other again. ( Pun intended 😛 )

The four walls of a girls hostel have always been the talking point of all guys in all boys hostel. Of course ,they will  disagree now but then WE KNOW ( Girls always know stuff…don’t they ?  : P)

So well , this post is to Kaveri Hostel . The 4 years we spent here as a famliy . Doing all kinds of stuff TOGETHER .

We have been sick of Kriti always being stuck with her phone : P .   We have been “mesmerised” by Neha’s choicest colourful pyjamas. We have been taught  Food Art by yukta in the mess.
You girls have listened patiently to my random non sense chatter . Like why was I even telling you about my friends of play school ?? -_-
We have been awed by Kavya’s impeccably clean room .
And sneha’s room has always served the purpose of a common room !
Vipasha has irritained (enterain + irritate ) us all times of day. (Why you do this pasha ? )
We have over heard Akanksha’s daily plans , without a choice 😛
We have been swayed by Khushbu’s SWAG .We have been lucky to see Chanchal’s dance moves .
Garima has shown us the use of all face packs 😛  Kanchan is the ultimate hostel hack . You have her. You need no one else.  We have been lucky to see the real face of Kiran- Crazy and mad 😛 . Coy? Never.  We have always been looked after by Kirti .  We have seen Aayushi fall again. And again.
Obviously we have seen Shruti study. But we have also heard her speak Hindi and spell “Kshatriya” 😛 . Rashmi has always been the slowest eater.
We have seen Aditi and Taniya always run for, you know what 😉 We have been wowed by Vedangi’s creativity.  We have all been dragged out of our beds by Shibali . We have all stopped Ritu from singing. Nripa has told us all how and where Himachal is. And also who, how and where Jimmy is ! 😛
We have laughed non stop on Subhagya’s sarcasm.  And we have always, always found food in Sonvy’s room . 🙂

We have gossiped . We have bitched .

We have danced and danced . Nagins and Baratis .We have been Munnis and Sheilas and of course Pritam pyare ❤ 😛 .

We have studied  😛 .

We have somehow digested the mess food for so long. O how much I will miss the Poha 😛

We have seen each other in our sexiest avatars  😉 .

We have tolerated each other’s mood swings.

We have not thrashed the birthday girl 😛 . We have made her the birthday princess ! ❤

We have slept entire days.  And we have talked entire nights.

We have cracked our share of jokes on NIFTEM Studs.  We have fan-girled a lot on REAL studs !

We have slept on each others beds. Cosy . ( Sexy ? 😛 )

We have had monkeys , rats , dead pigoens and a lot of other bio diversity here.

We have made our most dangerous plans.

We have chatted in washrooms.

We have pulled each others legs.

And O lord! We have even played hide –n- seek  😛 😛

And while doing this all we have grown up. From 1st floor and 2nd floor we have all become 4th year mams.
From strangers and awkwardness we have moved to Friendship and shamelessness.

We have found our sisters for a lifetime.  FOREVER ❤

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Click here to redirect to IBMC Freeze a foto

 

 

The band-aid

 

“Go, put a band aid on that before you bathe. You will scratch it otherwise.” Mom shouted from the kitchen.

And without even looking up from my pillow I reverted back ” I can’t find it mom. Forget it . ”

As if she could. She came stomping all the way. Took the band aid out and put it on my pinky finger. Of course , her background dialogues continued..but who was listening ?

 

Only if she could forget it that day. Or the other days. Only if she would not care that much. Only if she had left me to fend off for myself.

At least I would know what to do now. Without her. Lost in this world. Next to this man. My legally wedded husband. With these scars I have from our daily routine. Of him drinking. And of me being thrashed around.

Could any band aid fill the pain? Could any medicine help?

Only if she was here. To tell me what to do. I promise to do it by myself .

 

Just before that drop of water tried escaping my eye yet another day, I got up.  Not one more tear for this man. For this life.

I need my band aid.

 

I need my mom.

 

I need to go to her.”

 

That’s all the note said. It was as lifeless as the body next to it. May she find her band aid soon.

The Apple of our eyes :)

July 9 ,2014 changed my life for the better . Not only mine. Every life linked with me in real terms (blood relations ,that is ) . My sister gave birth to a baby girl .A beautiful baby girl .  Her minuscule fingers tightly bound in a fist , her hands and legs all curled up and eyes not yet open – She was by all means the perfect bundle of joy  .                                                   .

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Even before her birth she was the most awaited child for all of us . After all , one of us  brothers and sisters had finally grown up to finally start her own brood 😛

Oh ! these little teeny tiny creatures ,  only if they knew what happiness and splendor they bring with them . It’s like a festival .

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A never ending festival for the parents at least 😛

A new member is added to the family.

The feeling of belonging knows no bounds . From being a cell a few months back , she is now a part of our family. Our decisions and choices will now be affected by her.

We have to protect her, from all the miseries of the world, from anything that scares her. She is ours. She is mine 🙂

For me she is an angelic saint , who relieves me of all my tensions by her mere presence around . No worries, no anxiety , no work load has been and will be able to beat her innocence.

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Working in the kitchen 😉

Her charismatic smiles

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Her vibrant eyes

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Her soft and delicate fingers !

Her squeaky voices ! ( i really wish i could have an audio clip here 😀 )

Her adorable pair of teeth. Two on the top . Two below .

Every time i see  you girl , i can’t control my happiness and as a matter of fact , i don’t even want to.

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These babies remind you of all the things we as grownups have forgotten in the hum drum of our busy lives. We run after targets, exams, deadlines and of course money.

They ?

They don’t even know how to stand up.  😛 They slowly learn it. 😀

And we as adults feel so proud when see them walk , all in a zig zag manner though 😛 .

The process of teaching them to speak , to count , to eat , to pray ,to walk , to run ,to shit ,  to do everything so simple is tiring and yet satisfying.  When she picks up an action i do often , oh i feel like cuddling her up tightly and swing her around . That’s my way of expressing joy (I don’t do it though 😛 )  . The sense of responsibility arises in me. To teach her just the right things .

The babies also teach you things back. The very first and most important  – Being patient. 😀 haha .

They also  teach you that nothing is impossible for us to do .  We just need to have constant determination . The curiosity within us should never die .

Witnessing their sheer joy on something as trivial as a moving colourful ball , unwinds and relaxes us from even the most complex situations of life .

IMG-20150905-WA0016 IMG-20150905-WA0011 Our Krishna and our Radha 😉

Dear Advika ( Iha ) , i want you to read this when you are grown up . There will be times when you will feel like questioning your self . When you may feel broken. When you feel low.

I want you to read this to remind you , that how as just a 1 year old you made all people around you so happy and glad. You can do it again.  You will do it always.

Just be yourself.  Be innocent. Be curious. Learn. Respect. Teach. Smile. Play. Love. Laugh. LIVE 🙂

We are so proud of you now. Make sure to make us all the more proud.

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Enjoy baby :*

Love XOXO ,

Masi 🙂