Scared and Disturbed

After a pretty usual day of attending classes and gossiping around with my friends, i finally tuck myself into my bed. Like every other night i make promises to myself about how tomorrow i will get up and change the world. And like every other day, deep down i know i will wake up barely before class and the only thing that I will change is my PJs. As I laugh and crib over myself,i pick my phone and start surfing social media to stalk and judge every body i know, when i come across something that breaks my heart and shatters my soul. I wipe my tears away as i get up and sit upright. No i didn’t come across the news of my crush’s new love interest. Neither was it the death of my favourite celebrity. As i now type this, i so hope it was one of the above. 
I had actually stumbled upon this news article about the rape of an 8 month old girl, by her 28 year old drunk cousin, in the national capital of the world’s largest democracy, my Bharat Mata.

Now this is not the first time I have read such a news. The latest available statistics are pretty grim already. 106 women were raped daily in 2016. A UN Committee on the Rights of the Child in 2014 said one in three rape victims in India was a minor. More than 19,000 children were raped in 2016.

Some one, adult or minor, is probably being raped now as I write and another one as you read.

What was new then?

Well, for the first time I somehow wondered could this baby have been someone i know? Is it possible it was my darling niece, my whole extended family dotes upon? Could it possibly be my own daughter in a few years? Could it have been me years ago? Could it be me tomorrow?

And each time I gave myself an affirmative response, each time my heart let out a shriek and my eyes swelled up more.

Anyone of you who reads this will on the first instance just shirk it off and tell me I am thinking over unnecessarily. And my mother might even make me keep some fast and force temple visits to undo the bad thoughts i have thought.

But nothing will change the fact that I am scared. Aren’t you?
Even if we are the few blessed ones, who will never be a victim ,what about this 8 month old baby who was raped?
All the talks and debates about the possible “causes” of rape are hollow in this case.

Was she probably giving wrong hints?

Could her loud tear jerking cries when her cousin tried to penetrate her , possibly be pleasure moans?

Was it her karma , maybe of her past births?

Or like many great leaders of our time have pointed out every time, it was probably her modern and western sense of fashion and clothes- her diaper was too short it seems.

Why else would a grown up man think it was okay to rape her? Why else would he think that it is okay to let the baby remain in her own pool of blood and walk off after he did his business?
Why else would he think that it is okay for him to even exist on this planet and be blessed with this gift called life?

Yes, now that this case has come to limelight , the public outrage will ensure he gets his share of punishment. But will his punishment make everything okay? Is this justice?

Months ago, the #metoo movement on Facebook had got people to sit up and take notice. Sexual Harassment was something every girl around us faces in such frequency that it has for us become a part of our daily routine. Itna to chalta hai.
Okay, the question then is kitna nahi chalta?
What is the point after which we feel, that limit has been crossed?
No, don’t answer me. It is not the limits i am concerned about.
Whatever be the limits, what are we doing to ensure they are not crossed for us, our friends, our family and anyone else for that matter?

Doesn’t your blood boil, each time some “leader” gives out statements blaming western culture for bad influence and in the same breath claiming that men are men, and such little mistakes and incidents are bound to happen?
Our elected politicians, our revered god-men and the chaar log we have always heard about will speak and do what they will, not what is right.

Maybe now is the time for us, you and me, the educated class of this society to put our foot down , speak up and take the right steps.

We all know the basic rigour to solve a problem. Accepting there is a problem. Understand the underlying causes. Working on these causes to solve the problem . Now that we all are well aware of the problem, let’s try and find the reasons behind it. 

The irony that discussing about sexual intercourse is something that is looked down upon by the society and yet, all of us are expected to have sex and produce kids by this very society, could be a possible starter for discussions.

The fact that all our movies, television shows and even advertisements are objectifying women as sex baits to sell themselves, drives home the point about how sick our mentality is.
You can probably count on your fingers the number of daily soaps, that do not have a plot revolving around men fighting for that one woman, whose only part in the show is to look pretty and safeguard her virginity.

Isn’t that all women are for, after all?

At this point of time i am completely clueless, scared, disturbed and on a lookout for answers.

I want to know what people around me, with the best of education and family support think are the causes of such rapes?

Why is our national capital casually referred to as the “Rape Capital”?
How does a human being , in all his right senses even think the thought of raping another human being, let alone a child or an infant?
An 8 month old baby barely knows how to sit up right and someone is willing to satisfy themselves out of that so called little bundle of parent’s joy! 

I want to know when and how and why did our society turn so wrong that this is “yet another incident” and not an one-off incident. When and how and why did we get so accustomed to reading about brutal rapes ,without expressing shock anymore? 

Allow me to be selfish, for I want to know how I , a woman with a fully developed body, a woman who wears jeans and skirt, a woman who needs to travel day in and out for her job , will be safe when even these teeny tiny kids are not spared?

Is it all a merely the play of good and bad luck?

Everyday i step out of my home, should I just hope that I won’t be raped, is that all I can do?

IS THAT ALL WE CAN DO?

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THE PROPOSAL – I

 

To Her ,

I never thought i  would do this. I never thought i would say this, like this. In front of the whole world.

But then , since i have met you nothing has happened the  way i thought it would.

I have rarely got a chance to think and plan the next hour of my life, forget planning my life instead.

You don’t meet the criteria i set for my life partner and i don’t think you ever can . You are not tall enough, you are not fair enough and to worsen it all you have the weirdest sense of fashion.

But you have done things , which no one else did. And i don’t think they ever can.

You have filled my black, blue and grey life with colours. I now feel white, orange, pink , red , yellow , green  (and all the other shades i can’t even differentiate in reality )

You have made me happy. Sometimes in ways, i didn’t know it existed and sometimes when i didn’t want too ( stop eavesdropping and laughing on other’s talks. okay? ).  I have laughed till my stomach hurt, I have cried while laughing in moments and places that I shared with you.

You have made me angry. I had never felt such intense rage before. Today my blood boils if you even try to mockingly pity yourself.  You, of all people, should know your value and no one in this world  can let you feel lesser than the amazing charm you are. Not even you. ( Maybe, sometimes the guard outside your building can. Until you stop jumping through the walls.)

You have made me strong. (Not physically. You need to learn things about that from me though ). You have made me believe in myself , in all twists and turns. Your ways  have been weird though , just like you. But you have been the sole motivation (and irritation too, sometimes baby)  in my hardest times.

You have made me weak. The very thought of loosing you , of never being able to hear your endless chatter and  that crackling laughter( please learn to laugh like a lady) , pains me. And that pain is indescribable . But i know where it pains. Right here , in the centre of my ribs. As if someone , just took everything from my inside and left air that weighs more than a billion stones.

Its not that i wont find the girl of my criteria ( i am a superstar, i know ). I don’t want her.

I want you.

You might not want me back. And that’s okay. Because you don’t deserve anything less than the best. And if i am not the best for you, i don’t want you to want me.

I say this today in front of the whole world, because i want the world to know. That you darling , are a Gem. The most precious gem this world will ever see.  You are to be kept safe, close to the heart and protected at all cost.

And if and only if, you feel that i am worthy enough, I,  ask you to be the gem of my life.  To spread light and love in my world, in ways just you can do.

It would of, course not be an easy journey. Because while you might be a gem, you are a stubborn piece.  And so am I. And i am one stubborn ass. But no one said it would be Easy. All they said, is that , It would be worth it. 

From Him

Am I ready?

My life may be a mess but atleast I look pretty in the dress!

This got to be the defining mantra of my life. In case I plan to continue with my sanity,that is. 

Since a few days I have been a mixed bag of emotions. One day I am alarmingly happy. And then gloomy. So gloomy that my friends are scared to even approach me !

And why wouldn’t they be . After all my emotions have reached such heights of confusion that I literally hit my friend with my keys. Straight onto his face. Without a reason.

Thank God he was high ! 😉

These mood swings have been a perennial problem. Although till now they have fortunately been non violent only 😂 . My room is the biggest evidence of this turbulence. Clothes , washed and dirty alike lying on every possible furniture.Bits of paper and tissues  decorating the floor. And then there is me…somehow adjusting for space in the bed between my books and pillows!

So why has my life come down to this?

There could be several excuses.

I am a Cancerian woman,so being cranky is something even my stars have chosen for me! Then there are the female hormones. These i-dont-know-how-they-look substances have the audacity to keep me irritated. And the fact that I can’t do anything about them,only adds to my irritation! Also doctors tell me I have some kind of allergic bronchial asthma ,so the recent weather changes also ensure that I wake up early ,very early morning coughing and gasping for breath and when it finally comes , i cant go back to sleep , because ,hello you have a bank loan to repay,so please attend your classes. let’s also not ignore the fact that I also sleep late ,very late in night, thanks to assignments submissions and hell yeah! Classes.

To be frank ,it would be really bad of me if I did not give myself the pleasure of being irritated and snapping at every body.

Now that I have made a mention of doctors, if I do look from their perspective these are all mere symptoms. Like a fever is just a symptom. The real trouble is something else.

And I believe that something else is CHANGE. Within six months,my life has literally taken a 180 degree turn. Things I had never dreamt of,forget about planning have happened. And have happened so quick that there hasn’t been enough time to even absorb their effects.

For someone who shirked at the very idea of travelling and moving out of the comfort of my house, I have been thrown more than a 1000km away and been home  only once in 6 months for 4 days!

The confidence and wisdom I thought I had gained after the 10+2+4 years of education has all been thrown out of the window. Yeah ,once upon a time in a very distant land I had plans and goals of being the best in whatever I do but ,well ,here I am struggling and fighting to just keep pace with my classmates and professors.

More than the fast paced Bombing of Knowledge at me is the speed at which people have walked in and out of my life.

Strangers from different parts of , not only the country ,  but even the world have become a part of my life. People who have seen so much more of the world than me, from different walks of life, each with their own story now surround me. And among them I have found a few special ones, The ones who I would want to be included in my lists of Forevers 😍.The ones who are family  :).  The ones who have bought entertainment to my life with the best and worst jokes of all times!  The ones who have taught me the true meaning of creative comebacks 😂😂😂 and the ones who very generously give me “gyaan” about this life 😋

My inner goddess has awaken and is looking around. Happily dancing away as it can finally satisfy it’s fantasies with a new crush everyday 😉

Or maybe HE is the same all days 😍😂

And then there are people who have shut their doors on me. The ones I had hoped would not. The ones I had grown not only fond of ,but used to. Their presence no more surprised me,but their absence shakes me up. Sigh. But as they “One fine day”! Hopefully our paths will cross each others’ again. 🙂

So all in all I am amused and perplexed at this new roller coaster ride, one which I hadn’t even asked for or infact even paid for 😑Every moment here is teaching me something. Things I want to learn and things I definitely don’t want to learn.

It’s just that all of it is happening too fast too soon. Maybe I am not ready for such experiences. Not all at once. And not now.

But when has life waited for someone?

And seriously, What is life without some spice?.😉
P.S When they say,do what you love. They are actually right. Writing all of this down has soothed me down. Peppy side up again 😁😊

The STORM

Stop . 
Right there.
And breathe. Obviously you have been doing that for at least a few decades so it must be easy. 
So don’t just breathe. Feel your breath. Feel the fresh oxygen going into your body , doing its job and providing you energy to carry on. Feel the body throw out the carbon dioxide. Feel its warmth. 
Kudos. 
There! You spent one second of your life in the most relaxed way possible. 
And if you continue to do this for even a minute, you will know that “relax” is an understatement. This simple exercise is the most easiest way to rejuvenate yourself instantly.

The next question that comes up is “What exactly is your point Miss ?”

This exactly.
The involuntary need of speed we have almost imbibed in our system. To be always, always in a hurry. Whether its you ,whether its me , we all want things right here, right now!!! And there are no reasons to it. Its just a fact, a herd mentality where none of us wants to be left behind. 

Talking of herd mentality, although it is something looked down by us Human beings, it is just one of the ways we resemble the entire working system of nature and other beings. 
We know the basics- need for food, attention and sunlight.:P 

I want to draw your attention to the similarity of the storms of nature and humans. 
Storms of nature , as defined by humans, refer to violent disturbances of atmosphere, that bring about destruction, more often than not. 

There are innumerable instances in our life ,when we have these exact disturbances spiralling within us with such high intensities that even we tend to destroy all that comes into our path , metaphorically and sometimes literally as well 😛 .
And what is the end of it all? Only wastage. Wasted energy , wasted time and wasted peace of mind. 

Well , the nature does what it has to do. 
But we are humans- the same beings who haughtily pat ourselves on our backs, for we have the best evolved brains and make the most optimum use of them. 
Then WHY do we do this ???

If we have been able to utilise the energy of the wind and the sun and the tides, why do we not utilise our own energy ?

Take a moment to digest the levels of efficiency and overwhelming positivism at the very least , that could result if we harnessed our energies in the right direction.
If instead of throwing and breaking things , we instead decide to better organise them?
If instead of shouting and screaming, we dance it all out or do an impromptu karaoke?
If instead of blaming every body and every thing, we assume it was our fault and work to improve that? 
Or the simplest of all , just take a moment right then and there to feel our life. Slow calm breathing with a look-back on our own story. On how have we actually contributed to our story ? On if we actually were the Hero of our own life?

These are not Herculean tasks after all, although for sure they do look much easier in writing.  

But is it not better to try it out for our own sake and see the results? What if we do have the potential to be able to do this ? What if these storms are just a sign of the impending and freshening Rains of our story ??

As Louisa May Alcott puts it

I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning how to sail my ship . 

 

P.S Writing in response to the prompt of the day STORM

 

 

 

 

 

 

A little tip :)

I have  been really busy these days.
Not been able to keep up with my own challenge.
And like all failures teach you something,this did too.
Dream big for sure,but  remember to be realistic and practical. And oh always ,always have a plan B!”.

Well that’s my learning, not every one will agree to this thought.
You need not to,too.

What is more important for you All to agree and realise is that ,we must learn from everything.
Failure,success or term it anything,we must keep on learning and keep on growing.

Feeling dejected will never help.

Understanding the problem,improving on it, learning definitely will 😃

Shortage of time , forces me to conclude here itself. And since a picture says a thousand words ,here I am sharing a quote I came across which should be the life mantra of one and all.

Cheers to a happy life 😍😇

image

The new word of the town *OFFENDED*

Offended? Really that’s all you got ? May be you could have tried “Bored ” Or  “Tired” Or even  the F word! But , why offended darling ?

Well , this is  in reference to the latest Tanmay Bhatt CONTROVERSY. For the uninformed, this guy is a stand up comedian , who made a FUN Video about two Indian celebrities and posted it on social media. The fans of these celebrities got ” offended ” by it and want it removed. 

I really don’t know whether its real public who express their anger on such “Issues” or are they the ” Robots” we always have to prove we aren’t by entering those captchas ?? 

Because this fact is quite disturbing. No , not the existence of robots on Facebook.

But the fact that even in this age and time people got so much free time and emotions that their sentiments get hurt on  each and every joke that is ever made?

Do they Google the most silly thing present today, watch it and then get offended? 

Because ,lets make things clear first. I personally did not find the video even funny. Neither did my friends ( I made them watch it 😛 )  There was no joke .   😦
 And may be that’s the only thing i was hurt about. My expectations not being fulfilled. 

This has become a trend, specially in India. Not only in regard to this video, its just a needle in the haystack! People are using their “Right to speech” to take away other’s right to speech . 

Oh , you say it’s not Good for the society ?

Well yes. There are many things not good for the society. Unlike them , this has a solution. Don’t like it? DONT WATCH IT . Simple 🙂

Because if you were really worried about the society , you would have long gone ,thanks the heart attacks and nervous breakdowns you would have suffered.

Because you would have been hurt ,each time a girl was raped.Whether she was wearing a skirt or whether she was a 2 year old kid !

There would have been a threat to your religious sentiments, each time an innocent animal was sacrificed in the name of faith! And not when a person poked fun at some Godman.

 It would have pained you to see dirty naked little tiny kids beg on the streets in the scorching summer. And then get elated even on receiving a single rupee.

Your anger would have lost its limits when you would have come across the crores of taxpayer’s money being used by corrupt politicians for their Birthday celebrations. Not when a Bollywood movie was made .

You would have been offended when a young Indian sport-star was unable to represent his country , not for the lack of talent , but for the lack of proper infrastructure . And not when someone wore a skirt to her tennis match ..

Trust me , you would have been offended by humanity , every time you read that another bomb was dropped off in Syria or Pakistan or Palestine or  some other place. (Only that would have happened , in case you were actually aware that the world does not revolve around you  🙂 )

And since you are alive and kicking, I am sure none of this happened. There was never an outrage over any of these. Do not mention the various Tweets or Re-tweets or Facebook posts you have shared for the cause. The truth is , they DON’T MATTER . ( Heart breaking , is it ? ) 

 This only  proves you don’t bat an eye lid for the cause of the society.
You are one bored human , who wants cheap publicity by misusing other people’s names.

Calling me selfish , are you ? Well, I will take that as a compliment.  It’s better than being a dual faced hypocrite . Any day!. Try it out  🙂 


P.S
 This does not mean I support non sense humour. I just don’t violently oppose it. These people work for trps.  Dont trend them on media , they will understand and give you better jokes next time 😀 

 

No more no NO!!

Peppy Notes !!

The study of nano particles , their physics and their interactions with biological membranes is not difficult.

The calculations of Budgets and Taxable income are not difficult.

Standing on one leg for a day is not difficult.

And then you may ask , if this is easy, then what is difficult??

The most difficult thing is the ART OF SAYING NO. you could call it science too , but I like it this way 😛

The values and morals engraved in us have taught us everything , but, to say no.

Not for all though. There are some great fellows who have mastered this art very well. so well that they blatantly refuse to do things , without even a little respect for others, absorbed in their own little world. This is even in matters , when both a no and yes would not affect them.

let me talk to…

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Such is life.

                                                                     FEELING BLUE 

Every body tells us to always plan our life ahead. Take all actions thinking about the long-term benefits of the plans.
And these same people also tell us that the only constant thing in the world is change.
Strange!

Anyways, coming back to plan and planning, all of you must be knowinng the feeling when things actually turn out the way you plan. Whether it is related to your career choice , your investment plan  or even your decision to not carry an umbrella.
That feeling of elation when things go perfect smooth. All our parents , families and friends advises seem to blend in the perfect way of our life.

Only more often than not, this rarely happens. how so much we plan and prepare and act accordingly , life beats us to it. We stand there at important turnarounds , bewildered and confused about our next “plans”. Feeling sad and dejected, we keep on trying as we don’t have any other option.

sometimes life is not only hard, but wicked and cruel. It will fool you. with a smirk on your face, life will support you. Things and events will happen in your favour, the way you had it all chalked out. And then , when you are almost there…BAM! Life has the last laugh. Trust me , this is the worst that can happen to you. Or no wait, it gets even worse, when you fail again, not only  trying all you can , but also while trying to find a reason behind this.
These last-minute twists of life , are so hard to survive. Not only are you unable to even  find a point from where you can restart , you don’t even have time.

So well such is life.!