THE PROPOSAL – I

 

To Her ,

I never thought i  would do this. I never thought i would say this, like this. In front of the whole world.

But then , since i have met you nothing has happened the  way i thought it would.

I have rarely got a chance to think and plan the next hour of my life, forget planning my life instead.

You don’t meet the criteria i set for my life partner and i don’t think you ever can . You are not tall enough, you are not fair enough and to worsen it all you have the weirdest sense of fashion.

But you have done things , which no one else did. And i don’t think they ever can.

You have filled my black, blue and grey life with colours. I now feel white, orange, pink , red , yellow , green  (and all the other shades i can’t even differentiate in reality )

You have made me happy. Sometimes in ways, i didn’t know it existed and sometimes when i didn’t want too ( stop eavesdropping and laughing on other’s talks. okay? ).  I have laughed till my stomach hurt, I have cried while laughing in moments and places that I shared with you.

You have made me angry. I had never felt such intense rage before. Today my blood boils if you even try to mockingly pity yourself.  You, of all people, should know your value and no one in this world  can let you feel lesser than the amazing charm you are. Not even you. ( Maybe, sometimes the guard outside your building can. Until you stop jumping through the walls.)

You have made me strong. (Not physically. You need to learn things about that from me though ). You have made me believe in myself , in all twists and turns. Your ways  have been weird though , just like you. But you have been the sole motivation (and irritation too, sometimes baby)  in my hardest times.

You have made me weak. The very thought of loosing you , of never being able to hear your endless chatter and  that crackling laughter( please learn to laugh like a lady) , pains me. And that pain is indescribable . But i know where it pains. Right here , in the centre of my ribs. As if someone , just took everything from my inside and left air that weighs more than a billion stones.

Its not that i wont find the girl of my criteria ( i am a superstar, i know ). I don’t want her.

I want you.

You might not want me back. And that’s okay. Because you don’t deserve anything less than the best. And if i am not the best for you, i don’t want you to want me.

I say this today in front of the whole world, because i want the world to know. That you darling , are a Gem. The most precious gem this world will ever see.  You are to be kept safe, close to the heart and protected at all cost.

And if and only if, you feel that i am worthy enough, I,  ask you to be the gem of my life.  To spread light and love in my world, in ways just you can do.

It would of, course not be an easy journey. Because while you might be a gem, you are a stubborn piece.  And so am I. And i am one stubborn ass. But no one said it would be Easy. All they said, is that , It would be worth it. 

From Him

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Am I ready?

My life may be a mess but atleast I look pretty in the dress!

This got to be the defining mantra of my life. In case I plan to continue with my sanity,that is. 

Since a few days I have been a mixed bag of emotions. One day I am alarmingly happy. And then gloomy. So gloomy that my friends are scared to even approach me !

And why wouldn’t they be . After all my emotions have reached such heights of confusion that I literally hit my friend with my keys. Straight onto his face. Without a reason.

Thank God he was high ! 😉

These mood swings have been a perennial problem. Although till now they have fortunately been non violent only 😂 . My room is the biggest evidence of this turbulence. Clothes , washed and dirty alike lying on every possible furniture.Bits of paper and tissues  decorating the floor. And then there is me…somehow adjusting for space in the bed between my books and pillows!

So why has my life come down to this?

There could be several excuses.

I am a Cancerian woman,so being cranky is something even my stars have chosen for me! Then there are the female hormones. These i-dont-know-how-they-look substances have the audacity to keep me irritated. And the fact that I can’t do anything about them,only adds to my irritation! Also doctors tell me I have some kind of allergic bronchial asthma ,so the recent weather changes also ensure that I wake up early ,very early morning coughing and gasping for breath and when it finally comes , i cant go back to sleep , because ,hello you have a bank loan to repay,so please attend your classes. let’s also not ignore the fact that I also sleep late ,very late in night, thanks to assignments submissions and hell yeah! Classes.

To be frank ,it would be really bad of me if I did not give myself the pleasure of being irritated and snapping at every body.

Now that I have made a mention of doctors, if I do look from their perspective these are all mere symptoms. Like a fever is just a symptom. The real trouble is something else.

And I believe that something else is CHANGE. Within six months,my life has literally taken a 180 degree turn. Things I had never dreamt of,forget about planning have happened. And have happened so quick that there hasn’t been enough time to even absorb their effects.

For someone who shirked at the very idea of travelling and moving out of the comfort of my house, I have been thrown more than a 1000km away and been home  only once in 6 months for 4 days!

The confidence and wisdom I thought I had gained after the 10+2+4 years of education has all been thrown out of the window. Yeah ,once upon a time in a very distant land I had plans and goals of being the best in whatever I do but ,well ,here I am struggling and fighting to just keep pace with my classmates and professors.

More than the fast paced Bombing of Knowledge at me is the speed at which people have walked in and out of my life.

Strangers from different parts of , not only the country ,  but even the world have become a part of my life. People who have seen so much more of the world than me, from different walks of life, each with their own story now surround me. And among them I have found a few special ones, The ones who I would want to be included in my lists of Forevers 😍.The ones who are family  :).  The ones who have bought entertainment to my life with the best and worst jokes of all times!  The ones who have taught me the true meaning of creative comebacks 😂😂😂 and the ones who very generously give me “gyaan” about this life 😋

My inner goddess has awaken and is looking around. Happily dancing away as it can finally satisfy it’s fantasies with a new crush everyday 😉

Or maybe HE is the same all days 😍😂

And then there are people who have shut their doors on me. The ones I had hoped would not. The ones I had grown not only fond of ,but used to. Their presence no more surprised me,but their absence shakes me up. Sigh. But as they “One fine day”! Hopefully our paths will cross each others’ again. 🙂

So all in all I am amused and perplexed at this new roller coaster ride, one which I hadn’t even asked for or infact even paid for 😑Every moment here is teaching me something. Things I want to learn and things I definitely don’t want to learn.

It’s just that all of it is happening too fast too soon. Maybe I am not ready for such experiences. Not all at once. And not now.

But when has life waited for someone?

And seriously, What is life without some spice?.😉
P.S When they say,do what you love. They are actually right. Writing all of this down has soothed me down. Peppy side up again 😁😊

Loving it ??

DAY 11 :

Love is in the air everywhere I look around
Love is in the air every sight and every sound

 

And i mean this literally. Word by word.

With exams over and a few hours of relief before other presentations, i was lying in my room ,randomly surfing the world wide web. Its a web actaully! takes you ages and low battery or no Wifi to come out of it! 😛

Anyways, there i was using Facebook , Instagram , Pinterest  all simultaneously. It was when this thought struck me.
The world is stuck.
Yes , We may be delivering Beers to our friends via drones ! 😛 , but still every other quote or post you come across  today is about one thing only. LOVE.

Take a really pretty picture of either a couple or a landscape, throw in some heavy words , add the Moon and waves to it and there you have a new creation . About how love is a blessing. Or about how love is depressing! 

The entire world around has focussed its attention to just one facet of the magic called LOVE.  There is a guy, a girl , they love , they go apart and so on so forth. 
And this makes me laugh! Sometimes i do get really irritated too , but being the girl I am, i just laugh about it 😛

Is this ALL it is?
By all means NO!  I feel we all must stand up and tell the younger generation this is not all loving is about.  Love is not so black and white. And definitely , Love is not restricted.
Then what is, you may ask? 

Well , I believe love is when you return home after a long time and your pet can’t wait to be all over you. 

Love is when you not  only let your sibling irritate you ,but you also do their work after it ❤

Love is when your mother listens to you complain about the whole world and then makes you cookies to cheer you up . 

Love is when your father tries to act all c-o-o-l and funny in family gatherings 😛 

Love is when you make your teacher proud.

Love is when you listen your friend cry . Love is when you tease your friends and make them cry  !
Love is to get lost in that book , all curled up  and cosy . 

Love is the freedom to live your life your way . 😀 

Love is when you watch all episodes of a series at a stretch and get lost in that fantasy world. 

Love is dancing with your friends. Love is being possessive about your friends  😛

Love is sudden plans and tasty food. 
 Love is cheering for your home team , from 1000 miles away , through a television screen! 😀 

Yes the feeling of growing close to that special someone, getting lost in their thoughts and talks, wanting to spend every moment of your life with them is nothing less than a magical blessing. It is indeed love. ❤ .

Love is caring. Love is caring ( Cheesy enough?  😛 )

So go on , live a loving life. Laugh a lot, cry less , be happy . Fall in love, fall out of love <3.
Because there are no limits to LOVE  😀

P.S As far as I am concerned , Love is knowing that two ladies are upset from me as i won’t be able to meet them , before I head off to another city next week . Ayushi , Mini ❤ 😀 

Peppiness level : Fan girling !!

If you read my last post Such Is Life ( read it if you didn’t😋 ) you get an idea about my mood a few hours back.
Yes I was upset about certain things really close to my heart not happening the way they should have .
But writing it all out and reading nice words by my friends from blogosphere did cheer me up😘😊😇

So all I had to do now was pep up my mood.

And that’s easy. Either start swiping through the photo collection on my phone ( a really nice ,mean , sarcastic collection I have 😏) or do some research work on the laptop.

And yes this research work in real world is called Fan-Girling .😂😍💃
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Now for me there two ways to do my deep study
1. Binge watch
2. Social media stalking which basically means Pinterest😂

There are certain facts that should be cleared right at this stage:
1.  In real life I am ( or plan to be actually) a one man woman 👫
2. All the feelings I henceforth declare are for the character and not for the actor. I mean i do like the actor, but it’s the character that drives me crazy.

Coming back to the point,there are these three men who can sweep me off to the wonderland any and every time of the day. 😍
All they have to do is appear. Works fine even on the screen.!

So lets begin . In no particular order though. I don’t differentiate among the love for my men 😂😂

  • Damon Salvatore. (The Vampire Diaries)

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    This man is the definition of sexy.
    And the blue eyes of Ian only make it superlative😍
    The way he looks at Elena makes me go week in the knees.!
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    He is mean for the world and would kill anyone from this world who even thinks of harming his loved ones. Yes,he may kick his brother once or twice but nobody else has the right to even pick as much as one hair from Stefan’s body.
    His quick witty comebacks and those smooth smirks…who has the power to resist those? 😉
    And oh the hurt he keeps within himself. Trying to be the bad guy always. Turning out to be the saviour always .
    Remember the season finale he died? I remember it so well. Was literally unable to eat or sleep that day !

  •  Harvey Specter ( Suits)
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                                                         He is as suave as the word itself.

    His confidence turns me on 😉.
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    Polished,poised,charming the dictionary falls short of adjectives for him.
    Atleast mine does. 😍

    He has raised the bars of my expectations from my future boss too high😂.

    And have you seen his apartment? I would give anything to wake up with that view ! 😉


Call it crazy or not , I had once even planned my entire journey to Harvard last year 😂😂. 

 

  • Stefan Salvatore (The Vampire Diaries )
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    As sweet as sugar and every thing nice …la la la la aaaa llaa 😍😘

    Okay, if looks could kill , Stefan would have been responsible for my death a few years ago 😂.

    I really wonder if he is too good to be even real in a fictional show.
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    Like seriously, a vegetarian Vampire ? That’s such an ” aawww” moment😇😂

    Stefan never had to speak much.

    His eyes and smile told me of his love 😉😂

    Man! Leave apart a vampire ,I am dating an alien if it’s him 👽

Why do I like them? And why do they pep up my mood?

Well it’s very simple.

These men are too perfect to exist in real life . ❤

Watching them and getting lost in them gives me a much needed break from all the reality I need to face.
And when I am back , I have this new positivity and hope inside me.😃.
Or if not I have my one billion dollar smile back with me 😀😀 ( what?……Me? …..  Self obsessed…no !!! 😂😂😂)

P.S Seeing my blog post over and over again myself! Drooling all the way 😛 😛

 

WORDS

Day 04 : The haiku challenge. 
In this challenge, i needed to select a given HAIKU  and form a story/poem around it with my own interpretation .

This is the Haiku I selected : 
expressions of face
happy sad angry frown shy
face is the index

And here is my story .

 WORDS 

With his words he tried a lot.
To let the world know he was now a strong man. He didn’t care.
Although , once she walked in , the smile on his face said more .
You could even see the sparkle in his eyes . But it didn’t take longer than a second , for his expressions to change.
First , there was a sigh, then a frown.
With each passing moment he remembered the anger he had grown up with. Or was it the sadness actually ? Unfortunately he had memorised in his memory that day’s scene too well.
The day his mother had cheated on his father.
And him. 
Of course he said he was fine

.But every time his mommy had walked in , the child he had put to sleep long ago , would crave to wake up . 

 

 

P.S Click here to be redirected to IBMC page.
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Thoughts…

DAY 03 : IBMC #03- Risk for a random challenge 

The terms of the challenge : It’s a challenge to see how random can you be. Write ten sentences where there is no connection to each other. Go as random as you can get.

Well, Challenge Accepted. 😉 :D.

Random sentences , yet connected. Go on have a deep thought 🙂

April 1 is celebrated as Fools day. The neighbour’s door bell had rung twice. As I tossed and turned in bed, the clock struck 3. There were 4 people in the family. 5 years of marriage is not long , but  five years of compromise ..definitely .Snoopy had given birth to 6 puppies just yesterday. 7 days and a week is over, yet again. The 8th month would mean the third trimester and soon it would all end. Kids grow up so fast , baby Kia would turn 9 this year.
The Marriage was held in the summer of April 2010.

 

P.S
Click here to be redirected to the IBMC page .

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The band-aid

 

“Go, put a band aid on that before you bathe. You will scratch it otherwise.” Mom shouted from the kitchen.

And without even looking up from my pillow I reverted back ” I can’t find it mom. Forget it . ”

As if she could. She came stomping all the way. Took the band aid out and put it on my pinky finger. Of course , her background dialogues continued..but who was listening ?

 

Only if she could forget it that day. Or the other days. Only if she would not care that much. Only if she had left me to fend off for myself.

At least I would know what to do now. Without her. Lost in this world. Next to this man. My legally wedded husband. With these scars I have from our daily routine. Of him drinking. And of me being thrashed around.

Could any band aid fill the pain? Could any medicine help?

Only if she was here. To tell me what to do. I promise to do it by myself .

 

Just before that drop of water tried escaping my eye yet another day, I got up.  Not one more tear for this man. For this life.

I need my band aid.

 

I need my mom.

 

I need to go to her.”

 

That’s all the note said. It was as lifeless as the body next to it. May she find her band aid soon.

A Secret I hold..

Finally  , i did get bored of being sarcastic all along .

yeah , just kidding . 😛

I have never earlier mentioned that i have a thing for love ❤

More so ,  a thing for match making and stuff. It gives me immense satisfaction if i ever am able to do something for friends hopelessly in love.  In my case, it happens really often.  😀

So well , here is a note from a friend of mine dedicated to the girl of his dreams.

Yes its fictional .

And yes i wrote it.

 

“And each time I tried harder. Harder to stay away. Harder to not even look at her. And each time she won me over. When she walked into the room , may be it was just me or may be it was real.. I could hear angels sing their happy song in the sway of her walk..i would sense magic..her aura was as mystical as her smell. Just like those dew covered roses blooming in the fresh breeze of dawn.  Oh! What would she do to me??

Staring at her from here, so far away when all I want to do is touch her. Feel that skin. To see if its real. If it actually glows. If it’s actually as silky. Oh no no..i wouldn’t even hold her. Just touch her. Her hands. Her  pink cheeks. Her hair. Her neck. Her little red nose.  Just touch her.

Obviously I won’t. She doesn’t even know I exist. Yes we have talked and yes we are classmates. She doesn’t know that even I exist on her admirers list ( if someone some where was maintaining that). And I don’t want her to know too. Not now. What if she thinks of me as the other guys ? I ain’t like them. I don’t think cheap of her ever. Just divine.

And I am no one in her life to explain her this. And neither do I have the words yet. Maybe this distance was just fine. Good for us.

Only , it killed me everytime.

It kills me inside as I sit here obsessing over her and thinking of  all the time being wasted.

Should I let her know?

Or should I let her see? But…how would I show?”